Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
