Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
