Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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