I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
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