can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
