I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
