finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
