sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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