dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
