I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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