we made out on top of his cat.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
