So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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