I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
