come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
