It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have post one night stand depression
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