Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
