That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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