We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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