it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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