Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
