My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
