Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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