so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
