i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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