I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
