you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
