yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
