I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
