They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
