Do you still have your period?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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