found the other keg... it's in the tree
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
