When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
A bitchslap is in order.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
