I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
