i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
