its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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