I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
