The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
