i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
