she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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