My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
