I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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