i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
