By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
