UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
