There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
