I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
