OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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