It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
