I'm going to jail i love you
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
