have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
