My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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