just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
